My parents kept M for the night, but we still got no sleep. Especially me. I was up all night, thinking about the fact that the baby was still in me.Crying all night and searching the internet for anything that could help me. I started finding links to infant loss, and seeing posts by people who lost babies after they were born. It helped to think that it could be worse, I could have carried the baby longer. I could have HELD the baby, and then lost it. But it didn't stop the tears, or the fact that I lost MY baby. No matter how small it was, the baby was mine, and it was gone. I was just ready to have the surgery, and get the baby out. It hurt too much knowing the baby was still there.
I had to call the hospital at 8 am to find out what time my surgery was supposed to be. I finally got in touch with someone, and found out it was at 11:30 am. It seemed like forever away.
My husband took me to the hospital for the surgery. It was the same hospital where I was supposed to deliver the baby, the same hospital I delivered M at. It didn't seem like such a happy place to be any more. I had to walk passed tons of pregnant women, and new babies. I will never forget how hard that was, walking passed so many happy pregnant women and new moms, only to tell myself that my baby is gone.
I finally got registered for the surgery, and didn't have to wait too long before going to a room. The nurses and doctors needed the details of the miscarriage, so I had to tell the story about 4 different time that day. It still didn't seem real, and was still so hard to say. I tried to hold back the tears long enough to get through the surgery. They stuck me with needles and tried to make me as comfortable as possible, but nothing was going to change the reason I was there.
The surgery was very quick and went well. I woke up in recovery and the nurse started to talk to me. I will never forget her, even though I never knew her name. She told me that she had a miscarriage as well and we talked about it for a few minutes. It was just comforting to wake up from the surgery, and have someone beside me who had been in my shoes before.
The pain was terrible, and I was so uncomfortable. I took pain medication, but it still didn't help. It hurt so much emotionally, and now physically too. I left the hospital not long after the surgery, filled my prescriptions, and slept most of the day. My husband stayed home with me all day, and got me everything I needed. He put aside his feelings to help me. It was hard on both of us, not just me.
I was told that my cramping wouldn't be much worse than normal period cramps. Wrong. It was awful. The pain medications didn't help at all. I was also told I should be "back to normal" within 24 hours. Wrong again.
I had bad cramping and my arm was in a lot of pain from the i.v, which landed me in the ER two days later. Turned out to be a superficial clot and should heal itself. I just felt like everything was caving in around me... One thing after another. Everything was going wrong.
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